This day and age therapy is a hot topic. Mental illness being real and open conversations on therapy are all the talk. It all made me feel the need to share my experience with therapy and people, I personally recommend it to ALL!!!
My personal journey with therapy did not start until I was engaged. In my engagement, we decided that premarital counseling from a spiritual context was needed, but also that a relationship counselor/therapist would also be a great avenue to help us break down some barriers we were facing before marriage. YALL! Going in, I never knew what would come from those sessions…there were tears galore and so much realness that I had to face about myself and about my impact on my relationship with my husband and vice versa. We both were able to truly reflect on ourselves and see what we bring to the table and what baggage we bring that needs to be unpacked.
I hate it took therapy to see that childhood and upbringing develops so much of us as adults that it’s ridiculous. You may not realize it, but habits you learned as a child or were exposed to as a child carry over into how you do things when you are good and grown. The biggest thing for me was finances. Growing up, I was not taught how to save effectively or how to manage my money vs my husband was taught about money VERY EARLY. As an adult, I had all these material things and experiences but not much to show for it in my savings or credit score. Therapy helped me to listen to my husband in areas where he is strong and to realize I cannot go into this thinking I can do it all by myself. My husband has really grown from therapy as well. I know men (Black men especially) have this stigma around therapy.
“I don’t need a shrink telling me about my life!”
“I just need to go to church and pray about it.”
“I am not crazy.”
My husband gave every excuse in the book at first and even came to our first few sessions guarded and defensive not willing to share anything personal. It was frustrating I must admit. But when he finally let that guard down and went in with the intention to fix our issues if it meant staying together, man, I saw a completely different man before my eyes.
I still to this day go to individual sessions to continue in my growth especially in this time of navigating parenting as my actions and my husband’s actions will develop my child’s behaviors and what not, and we go as a couple for “tune ups” as time allows in our schedules. If you choose to go to therapy, I encourage you to go with an open mind and a sense of transparency. They cannot help you if you are unwilling to honestly participate. Also, don’t let costs keep you from seeking help. Most insurances cover sessions and some employers have services that give you so many free sessions a year. Do the research and make the best choice for you. We like to think we have our lives together, but you will be surprised at what you thought was the norm for you.