As the old saying goes “How Many Of Us Have Them? Friends!” Yeah I know that phrase all too well. Everyone has their own personal views on what makes a person a friend and what friendship means to them. Of course there are levels to friendships and there are time frames to friendships. I have had to learn the hard way in both areas and wanted to share the realities I gained from the life lessons learned.
It took a while for me to realize that my view of friendship is not everyone else’s nor should it be expected. I went to college with the only choice being to make friends. I purposely went to school where I barely knew anyone with the mindset that I wanted to really branch out and meet new people. I made acquaintances, associates, friends, and best friends while getting my education.
Post college, I went on to start my career and soon began to see just how much shifting my relationships would make in the coming years. People shifted in and out of those categories. Some moving closer to the center, others moving further from the center, and some moving out of the circles all together. It took a lot for me to accept that some people just did not value my friendship as much as I valued theirs. Some people that I would go above and beyond for merely saw me as an associate. I had to accept that with growth and time comes change, and sometimes change can be expected and unexpected. Regardless, it all happens for a reason and I will be ok. It’s their loss not mine.
God brings people into our lives for a season or a lifetime. To this day, I am still building friendships that I can see lasting a lifetime, and I am taking advantage of the seasonal people in my life that will provide and have provided life lessons and tough skin for me. I have lost friends that I thought were going to be lifelong friends. Those were the hardest to accept and the toughest ones to get over. People that know me, know that I will go above and beyond for those that I love and genuinely care about, but when it is undervalued and unappreciated, the time comes to take inventory and cut where necessary.
I used to be that girl that cried and sulked when someone did not like me or did not care for me. I would sit and question what I could have done differently or what mistake did I make to make this person dislike me or not give me a chance to show I can be a great friend. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve smh lol. I wanted so hard to make everybody think I was this cool person and this great person to be around. When I got friends that I truly valued, I would make sure my calendar worked with theirs. Making trips and bending over backwards to “be there” for my friends even when we didn’t talk every day, and investing in their milestones, ambitions, and children without hesitation. Loyalty is very important to me, and if I want it I feel the need to show it. I got to 29 damn near 30 years old when I realized I don’t have to beg anyone to be in my life, and I don’t have to chase anyone that God is taking out of my life.
I say all that to say this. Everything happens for a reason, and once you realize that it is all working for your good, you don’t even sweat the losses. I have been in such a great space since letting all those insecurities go, and what I didn’t know was God made room for some amazing people to come into my life. He had to lighten my load and show me that those people you go above and beyond for are not thinking about you and do not prioritize you the way you do them. I was hardheaded at first, so he had to pretty much snatch people away from me or show me the hard way that I am in a friendship by myself, but in hindsight, it made me stronger as a person. You know that whole “it sucks when it’s happening but in the end you will look back like why did I even stress that?!” (how we think about sucky exes sometimes too lmao!)
If you are dealing with friendship change syndrome or starting to see yourself in the same slump when it comes to the company you keep, take it from me…you’re better off without em!
Till Next Time,